I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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