I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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