He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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