He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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