i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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