i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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