the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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