Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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