she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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