you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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