There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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