so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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