yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize