I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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