So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize