This house was built for laser tag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize