Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize