Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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