I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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