So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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