The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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