It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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