drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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