Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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