My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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