Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize