Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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