I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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