Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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