I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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