My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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