I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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