She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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