i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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