If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
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Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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