Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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