I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize