I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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