I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize