I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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