Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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