just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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