I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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