hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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