It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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