What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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