My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize