Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my liver is dry heaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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