I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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