at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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